We've had a little breakdown here on the ranch this week. (to read more on our ranch visit www.pioneeringaz.blogspot.com ) The stresses of life have been getting to us. Mine involve the finance part of life, and the wife's stresses have been centered around the fear of failing at being a parent. Add to all this the stress of the reality of today, and the stress of our particular situation and the gravity of this conversation increases dramatically. It seems we are both at the end of our ropes.
Is there a silver lining?
I really hope so. For now we spend our time living day by day. I work in an industry that views it's employees as more than expendable. We both know that. For now it seems as though I am doing well enough to be under the radar. That can always change. For the past two years the wife has been a stay at home, home schooling, house maker. It has been working out fine, that is until we started having car troubles. We have four vehicles all over 100k miles, one over 200k finding the money and time to have at least one of those road worthy at any given time has been the big thorn in my side. We can cut back on a lot of expenses, we can always eat less but when it comes to auto repair and expense, good luck.
It seems to us that this is our biggest expense, and that is one you can't stop. When you need that $500 part, there is no substitute. When you are empty and need to fill up, there is no cost saving alternative.
We are lucky enough to live off-grid (some would argue this point) so we can really watch our utilities and cut way back on our cost of living there. With no electric, sewer, trash, water, cable TV bill. Managing our actual household expenses is really easy. With our water tank at the head of the driveway, we can monitor how much water we have every day. Now that we have some 250 watts of solar panels and batteries, we only need to start a generator once a week to vacuum and that is only for a few min. Our propane which is used to heat water, cook, and cool the fridge is now lasting twice as much as this time last year and come this winter will also last twice as much without using it to heat the house. So that leaves only the need to purchase heating wood for the wood burning stoves this winter. Again a very minimal cost in the big picture.
Only other expenses that need to be paid on a monthly basis is auto insurance and cell phone bill. So really, other than having to replace our cars, we are still in good shape. So why all the stress? Replacing our cars with one good one that will get us down the goat trail we call a road, and last more than a year before it rolls over tires up, will cost us close to 30k! Trying to find that in our budget is a joke.
Three weeks worrying about this.
So I have been stressing about this vehicle problem for over three weeks now. I'm really tired of it. The worst part is that I am no closer today to finding a solution than I was when I started. Buying used is not as cost saving as it should be. Purchasing new is far beyond our means. And fixing what we have is a waste of time. Our primary vehicle is two wheel drive and not meant to be off road on a daily basis. Not to mention it really is a pain in the ass to drive it too work in the snow! Now if I sale two of them and fix the other two I could buy some time. How much time would be the gamble, and the stress of waiting for one to blow up (it would always be on the back of my mind) would drive me to an early grave.
Raising a family
I know a lot of parents out there feel they have not always done the right thing, but out here, with very little outside influence and an only child, the stakes feel a bit more steep. I understand her side of things. Being the primary caregiver, and responsible for her schooling, has put her not only in the role as parent, but also as an educator. Which is making it hard for her to separate the failures of one for the other.
Now don't get me wrong, our little girl is a great kid. She just is a kid, and does not want to do school work, or anything else we say. Not because she can't, but because she wants to do something else. I remember being that age, it seems at times that no matter what she does it just isn't good enough. We as parents always want more from our kids.
Now two years into home schooling, her scores are still up, we just tested her for next year and she is right at her grade level. It has been a fight all year long, but the results are fantastic. We want to continue home schooling her, but we need to come up with a better plan. This year we are going to be more structured. With the same starting time everyday, and a goal card that will get her through the whole year in 41 weeks. We are also going to put in place a results based rewards system, that would give her some fun activity for her on a monthly basis.
Any conclusions
I still don't have a clue. After putting all our problems down on paper (figuratively speaking of course) I am reminded of the country song "sounds like life to me". And ya know. It is just that. The alternative to this lifestyle would be for us to both work, live in an apartment, have little one in school and daycare, have maybe 30 minutes of family time a week and we'll still die tired and broke. This way we at least have a couple of days together as a family.
So we are going to keep living one day at a time. Enjoying what we can. We are also going to continue our family Bible studies on Thursday. Which I will post any excitement here. So until then, see ya on WWW.pioneeringaz.blogspot.com
As a post script, I am just rambling. We did have a melt down of emotions today. Was it because of the heat, or are these issues that stressful? I don't know. I do know that we are a close family, who enjoy our crazy life.
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My insanity on display www.pioneeringaz.blogspot.com
1 comment:
Our meltdowns are coming more and more frequent as well. It never ends. I have now lived the simple life for the better part of my adulthood and I can tell you it was a lot easier to be buried in credit cards with car payments and a high mortgage. It just seemed like I had more money and more freedoms. Now my bills are less and I make more money but I still cannot see daylight. It is far from simple living my friend.
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